swasticunts: I tamagotchu pregnant
wartortles: if u have a nice butt there’s a 10,000% chance i wanna see it
sacaswagea: “if ur ready CUM and get it” haha only 18+ will get this one. :PPP
ostracizedpoodle: favour1te: ostracizedpoodle: ive seen things how many things? 8
epicluna: the-221st-doctor: Mom, Dad….. I’m French the bible says adam and eve not adam and hon hon hon baguette eiffel tower
initiala: A little girl in my 4th grade class came up to me after recess and said, “I got married at recess!” and I said “Oh? I didn’t know anyone was ordained under the age of twelve.” and she asked me what ordained meant and I explained and then she said “Oh, well, no, my wife and I were married by the slide, but we’ll be happy together anyway.” So apparently on school playgrounds, slides are...
sfux: i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
the-fandoms-are-cool: how I discovered I was pansexual shit that guy’s hot oh fuck that girl’s hot too wait what trans people are hot as well damn sweet jesus I’m not sure what gender you are but you’re very hot is there a term for this condition
deadlyjohnson: FACTS ABOUT THINGS: TUMBLR WAS GETTING TOO EXPENSIVE. THEIR OPTIONS WERE TO EITHER SELL IT OR SHUT IT DOWN. YAHOO SAYS THEY’RE GOING TO LET IT RUN AS AN INDEPENDENT BUSINESS. IN THEORY, NOTHING WILL CHANGE EXCEPT FOR WHO’S LEGALLY OWNING IT. NOW EVERYONE CALM DOWN.
positivemilk: But mom how am I suppose to buy drugs with a gift card
robo-fett: If you are wearing a well tailored three piece suit then don’t be afraid if I rip it off you & fuck you right there
keratec: hucy: If guys came glitter the world would be a much better place. it’s always edible Of course it’s edible! It’ll be food grade glitter.
keratec: hucy: keratec: hucy: If guys came glitter the world would be a much better place. Um. Don’t even deny that it would be the coolest thing ever. It would make cleanup difficult tho Worth it. Very worth it
keratec: hucy: If guys came glitter the world would be a much better place. Um. Don’t even deny that it would be the coolest thing ever.
mowwwg: “you can’t wear that!!!! people will get the wrong impression!!!” the impression that i am a hot babe with an ass that just won’t quit???? honey that ain’t wrong that’s just fact
wickedlydeeper: sariandra: z1c: being 20+ on tumblr Being 30+ on Tumblr I’ve been waiting for this.
robo-fett: Don’t submit nudes, submit pictures of you in your best ~suit~
fakehighschoolboyfriend: a musical entitled “may, senior year” filled with hits such as: “i never knew you wanted to join the military” “why are you getting married” “that’s an awful tattoo” “what am i doing for the rest of my life” “how will i afford deodorant in college” “why can’t i graduate already” “why can’t i graduate already (reprise): why am i graduating already”
If guys came glitter the world would be a much better place.
cowboybeboop: viste: cowboybeboop: reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it IT’S LITERALLY BEEN LIKE A DAY AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS POST only a true tumblrite would understand. you just outed yourself as a yahooligan
thatpsychowriter: For all of you who are worried that there might be secret mind readers in the room just try MENTALLY SCREAMING and if anyone jumps or flinches, you know
rachael-likes-pie: my dad forgot Martin Freeman’s name so he sad Bilbo Watson
timecannotberewritten: dovahqueene: iwishlilbwasmygrandpa: There are thousands of half-babies in my ballsack and that’s terrifying at least you don’t bleed them out every month you make a compelling argument
bananabuttmuffin: The best road rage I’ve ever seen was this girl screaming out of her car window “I hope you don’t fuck like you drive!” I still think about that sometimes.
spookyck: i need to eat fifty chocolate chip cookies
mamamantis: so are we gonna discuss how fucked up it is that women have to wear makeup to be taken seriously at work and job interviews but if a woman has a genuine interest in and enjoyment of cosmetics she is written off as shallow, vain, and stupid, and consequently not taken seriously
fuckyeahpickuplines1: Roses are red Grass is green I see your legs Do you want my face in between?
toadlyoko: So in middle school we weren’t allowed to have any drinks aside from water but I kept sprite or the clear kool aid in a water bottle and felt like I was someone who made moonshine during the prohibition era.
amerikahn22: hucy: amerikahn22: hucy: Guys I want somebody to like me and want to talk to me and hang out with me and go on silly dates with me but nobody does and I just feel super lonely somebody come cuddle me? I’m outside your window. With cookie dough and puppies, I got this. IF YOU AREN’T ACTUALLY OUTSIDE MY WINDOW I WILL ME P UPSET Please don’t P Hanna I will p on everything...